13 March 2011

Letters from the dog

Let me give you a list of just some of the things I must remember to be a good Dog.

  1. I will not eat the cat's food before he eats it or after he throws it up.
  2. I will not roll on dead seagulls, fish, crabs, etc., just because I like the way they smell.
  3. The litter tray is not a biscuit tin.
  4. The sofa is not a facecloth.
  5. The rubbish collector is not stealing our stuff.
  6. I will not play tug-of-war with Dad's underwear when he's on the toilet.
  7. Sticking my nose into someone's crotch is an unacceptable way of saying 'hello'.
  8. I don't need to suddenly stand straight up when I'm under the coffee table
  9. I must shake the rainwater out of my fur before entering the house - not after.
  10. I will not come in from outside and immediately drag my butt across the carpet.
  11. I will not sit in the middle of the living room and lick my crotch.
  12. The cat is not a squeaky toy so when I play with him and he makes that noise, it's usually not a good thing.

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