Brother Pain

Long term readers may remember me mentioning in passing that I have endometriosis. This nasty. incurable disease has caused me not a little pain over the years, not to mention significantly impaired fertility (which is why our daughter is really a miracle). The reason this comes up on the blog now is because it's back. Slightly more accurately, the treatment I have been using for the last 5 years is becoming less effective. I was warned this would happen, but didn't expect it so soon (having had a refresher of the treatment last year and knowing it was supposed to be good for another 4-5 years...).

I have returned to living with Brother Pain again as a near-constant companion. Some days are worse than others and I need to be careful with my strength, particularly with the demands of my job. I am however, very blessed that when I had a conversation with my boss I found that he knew others who have this and understood the implications, perhaps better than anyone I've talked to about it (with the exception of my hubby and other friends with endometriosis). He is being very understanding which helps a lot. One of my other friends at work is also fairly well up on the issues and seems to have appointed himself to keep an eye on me, and occasionally sticks a head around my office door to see how I'm doing, which is really nice.

So, now, decisions to be made. I have an appointment with a new specialist later this month (unfortunately the move has meant that we had to leave our lovely Wellington-based specialist who did several of my surgeries, oversaw my pregnancy, and did the emergency caesarean to deliver our daughter) and will have to talk over the options. More surgery? Other options?

I have however been rediscovering something that I began to touch on and learn the last time I had major issues with this: prayer through pain. Back then, I began to reflect on the crucifixion and to use the pain as a lever to prayer and a deeper understanding of what the crucifixion was for and what it cost. It's hard to explain but something to be experienced - and it gives me a focus when the pain is eating away at my insides!