Another night of peace and quiet - small daughter asleep, husband away, and not much work getting done. I had grand plans to study tonight, but I cannot seem to settle to university work at the moment, there's too much else going on in my head - and that's even after I got a really good mark on my last assignment!
I managed to make most of the Third Order meeting today, which was really good - it's been a while since I have been able to attend, although I did take small daughter with me as hubby is in Auckland. It was good to see them all again. I had a long talk over lunch with one of my friends in the Order to whom I have always been close - she was professed a year before me so we were both novices together and shared a lot, including a room at Convocation a few years ago! She is in further discernment too, and is really excited that she's moving into St Francis House (the little communual house that was established last year in Wellington), but she also mentioned that she is open to a more monastic way too.
The balance for me, of course, is between family and vocation. I feel really blessed that God gave me vocations to both family and religious life, but its always a question of balance. And yet, I know that I am called to this life of love and openness to God and others. My family life teaches me about God, my prayer teaches me about family.
So now, I listen. I wait. I get frustrated about study that I can't concentrate on (and really need to get onto!). I pray. I have fun with my daughter and husband. I teach my little one about God's love and we pray the Office together (a simplified version for small children). And I hope.
I know that something is stirring, but I don't know what it is!