I am really reasonating with a phrase of Thomas Merton's right now: 'I am being carried towards God in the belly of a paradox'. Not quite sure where I am supposed to be; not quite sure what I am being asked to do; but sure that all I have to do is keep praying, keep listening, keep trusting that the way will become clearer. Some light was shed the other night during a long Facebook conversation with a monk friend of mine in Australia who is approaching his solemn profession in a few weeks' time. He had some suggestions I had not thought of, but it was interesting that overall he affirmed the general tenor of where I'm going - what was even more interesting was that his journey is a bit similar right now! Not the discernment-to-monastic-community bit - that's sorted - but discernment to the priesthood and how that fits with his vocation as a Brother.
However, some light may be dawning from a rather unexpected quarter. Regular readers may have noticed the small reference to another Order I had enquired with. I still have not heard from them, and something I have found out about the Order is making me a bit twitchy. They are affiliated with Forward in Faith, which is an ultra-conservative body within the Anglican Church, and there are definitely bits of FIF that I am not comfortable with. The long wait for a reply and my own slight edginess has been making me wonder whether that community is the right place for me. The light came from another direction, from something Brother suggested, and I have written to a Benedictine order (which is in itself fairly scary for this Franciscan!) and will see what comes from that. Will keep posting!